Friday, 5 August 2016

Eric and Brian: The Flight

Eric: Hey thanks again for giving me the window seat.
Brian: Oh, no prob. I'm just gonna sleep through this anyways.
Eric: Good, good.
Brian: Night, see you in a few hours.
Eric: Hey Brian? Could you pass me your bag before you doze off?
Brian: Umm... Sure, how come?
Eric: Relax man jeez, I'm just asking to see your bag.
Brian: What? Why?
Eric: Brian. I need you to remain calm. We're on an airplane.
Brian: I am calm. What the fuck are you talking about? Why do you want my bag?
Eric: Hey, look at me. Look in my eyes. Are you good? Y'good?!
Brian: Jesus Christ, yes okay? Be quiet, I'm good.
Eric: Okay. I put something in your bag before we went through security.
Brian: What?!
Eric: Wow, excuse me everyone. Nothing to see here, my friend is just feeling a little angry right now. No need to panic, no cause for alarm. Brian act natural.
Brian: What do you mean act natural?!
Eric: Just act FUCKING NATURAL!
Flight Attendant: Excuse me sir, is everything alright?
Brian: Yes ma'am, we're very sorry. Everything is fine. My colleague here is just a little afraid of flying.
Eric: Oh like hell I am, I'm not afraid of anything. Lady I want to speak with the captain, now. This man is an impostor. He has stolen my bag.
Brian: What?! That's insane this is my bag, I checked it when I boarded.
Flight Attendant: I'm going to have to ask you both to sit down and buckle your seat belts.
Brian: Of course, thank you.
Eric: Fine, but I better see the captain out here ASAP.
Brian: ...What the hell was that? We could have gotten in huge trouble.
Eric: Don't worry Brian, we played it cool. I acted natural.
Brian: Just leave me alone okay, I don't want anything to do with this.
Eric: Sure thing. But first could you pass me your bag? I put my cell phone charger in there, it wouldn't fit in my mine.

Thursday, 4 August 2016

Eric and Brian: Table Manners

Eric: Jesus man, elbows off the table. Show a little class.
Brian: What? Uhh sorry, didn't realize that was a big deal to you.
Eric: Well it is alright? What if I have my mother over, and she sees you eating like a filthy animal?
Brian: ...You mean if you bring your mom to our dorm for dinner?
Eric: Hey you don't know me. Maybe I will. Maybe I'll invite my mom,  and your mom, and my mailman, and we'll all have a big "Fuck You Brian" party.
Brian: Yeah, alright.
Eric: *mmff* So- *chhh* How was work?
Brian: Oh god eww, don't talk with your mouth full.
Eric: *chhhrnnn* Well excuse me for trying to- *ppffllmmm* get to know you better. *shhmmmff*
Brian: Fuck that's gross, I don't need to see that.
Eric: Yeah well I don't need a lot of things. Like health insurance, toothbrushes, or this dumb conversation.
Brian: You don't brush your teeth?
Eric: Of course I do, dumbass. I just use whichever one is lying around.
Brian: Like the red one, in the cabinet behind the sink?
Eric: Yeah that sounds about right.
Brian: FUCK Eric, you used my toothbrush?! Oh god that's disgusting, I've gotta go chug some mouthwash-
Eric: Relax Brian, I only brush my teeth on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The rest of the week is leg day.
Brian: What... The hell... Does that mean?
Eric: You know, 'never skip leg day!' Gotta keep them clean.
Brian: That's not what that- Wait, you scrubbed your legs with my fucking toothbrush?!
Eric: Elbows off the table Brian, lets try to be civil.