Friday, 16 October 2015

Daily Dose of Stupid: Hallway Traffic Jam

You would think that after two hundred thousand years, humans would have learned how to walk in groups to different places. We put a man on the moon, revolutionized communication through the internet, we even invented the Dorito Taco for god's sake! But we still haven't figured out how to walk from math class to biology without being uncomfortably awkward. I'm sure that when humanity took its first step, it was in the way of someone else, and was met with "oh, sorry.."

Lets take a walk together through a typical day at a typical high school. It's 12:54, and I'm standing by the door of my math class, along with twenty four other kids just dying to escape. I've sat through ninety minutes of relentless repetitive drone work and I'm impatient to leave. Actually scratch that, eighty nine minutes. The bell rings and the floodgates open, releasing swarms of bumbling teenagers into the narrow hallways. We are all quivering gladiators thrown into the arena.

I turn to the right and take a few steps before I meet the slow march of grade nines from Mr Hughes applied math class. Ughhhhhhhhhh. I trudge behind them, trying to dart in and out of the ones heading the opposite direction. Left, right, sideways, seemingly randomly they fill as much space in the hallway as possible. Each interaction is an uncoordinated nightmare. I haven't even made it to the stairs...

One of them heads straight for me, apparently unaware of the frustrating game of chicken he just signed us both up for. Did he think he could pass right through me? What was his goal here? Once he gets closer, I step to the left. Like a half-witted mirror, he so politely does the exact same thing in the same direction. Time seems to stop. We make eye contact. "Sorry." Can you guess what happens next? I step to the right to get out of the way, and Mr Helpful here does the same. God damn it. Back and fourth, this dance goes on. Left, right, left, right, twice to the right, back to the left. An eloquent ballet of social anxiety.

We are hundreds of airplanes, circling over the landing strip just waiting for our chance to escape, desperately trying not to collide with anyone else. We are a hive of angry bees buzzing around our self-made prisons. We are an unsafe, unstable fifteen car pileup on the highway, because one "nice guy" held the door for someone else who just had to let him go first! We have a clear set of rules for driving, why doesn't that apply here? I think half of these people should have their walking licence revoked! THIS SHOULD NOT BE THIS DIFFICULT.

... I don't enjoy walking through the halls at school. Nobody really knows what they're doing, it's just plain awkward. There really could be a better way of doing this if we all just agreed to cut the crap and get to where we need to go.

Hallway traffic jams? Pretty stupid.

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